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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24670264">do you know who you are?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeslover/pseuds/lukeslover'>lukeslover</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Reddie Fairytales (IT)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:47:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,441</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24670264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeslover/pseuds/lukeslover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>18 year old eddie kaspbrak gets put into new york university, his mom isn’t quite happy about it since it’s far from home, but eddie convinced her to let him go. that it would be “a big thing” and “he’ll get a good job and help with bills afterwards.” </p><p>which— is absolutely untrue. </p><p>eddie just wants a break from his mother, and in hopes of finding friends, success, and happiness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hanscom/Original Female Character(s), Beverly Marsh/Audra Phillips, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>do you know who you are?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi! i hope you enjoy this first chapter, it’s kinda just an introduction &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“good morning, eddie!” sonia shook eddie awake, causing him to jolt up. “jesus, ma, no need to shake me—.” “today is the big day!” she exclaimed, maybe not as excited, but more, aggravated?</p><p> eddie got up, fixing his bed a little bit. it was the day he went to new york university, which he was extremely excited about. it was the day he could run away from his mother, her grasp no longer being around his neck.</p><p>“do you have all of your stuff packed, eddie-bear?” she asked, her tone sharp. she definitely wasn’t happy about this.</p><p>normally, parents are proud but sad on their child’s leaving day. but, sonia kaspbrak is different. sonia kaspbrak is annoyed, beyond petrified, and disgusted in eddie for wanting to leave her. </p><p>“everything. i packed yesterday.” eddie replied, quickly picking out a pair of clothes for today. it was his special day, he was moving into his dorm. “everything? are you sure? eddie, i’m still in disbelief that you would want to leave your mother—.”</p><p>“mom. it’ll be okay.” eddie tried to reassure her, emphasis on the word tried. he knew what she was doing, he wasn’t dumb. “okay..”</p><p>*</p><p>they drove for awhile, maybe forty minutes to an hour. eddie was a nervous wreck, he wasn’t sure how his mom was going to react when they were in his dorm, so he decided at best to say goodbye when they were in the car. maybe that was worse? he didn’t really have an idea, but he didn’t want her coming near his dorm. </p><p>he saw the university ahead, and his heart jumped. he couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing, from nervousness or from excitement. either way— it felt good to feel free from his mother’s wrath.</p><p>“we’re here, eddie.” she sighed, and for a second, eddie felt guilt. he felt strings around his heart, tugging. he knew it wasn’t a bad idea, but he also knew how hard it was going to be on him to stay away. </p><p>“okay.” he replied.</p><p>“are you going to get out?”</p><p>“of course, yeah, i just, need to talk to you.” he said, he looked up to her. he recognized the tears forming in her eyes. they weren’t tears of sadness, nor joy, but tears of disappointment. is it normal to cry when disappointed? well, for sonia it is.</p><p>he didn’t feel the need to tell her not to cry, not like she was going to listen to him anyway. </p><p>“you can call me, you know?” he reminded her. he didn’t want it to seem like he was pushing her away— because that wasn’t the case. he loved her, of course he did. she was his mother. they were just different from each other, and he knew that. he wanted to help it, he wanted to fix her like she tries to fix him, but they both had different ideas of fixing, and neither of them worked with each other.</p><p>“i know,” she responded, looking at eddie in the eye. she wanted him to feel guilt. eddie just looked away, he didn’t need that right now. “it’s just going to be hard without you around the house. the silence will eat me up.”</p><p>eddie swallowed. he hated silence.</p><p>“yeah.” he gripped his seat. “it does that sometimes.”</p><p>there was a bit of silence and god, eddie hated it. he hates the way the wind blows around his body, not giving any sound. he hated it.</p><p>“okay, well we should get out of the car and—.”</p><p>“no, it’s okay. i actually have everything under control.” eddie interrupted, with a smile. “don’t worry about me.”</p><p>“oh.” was all she said.</p><p>she started the car back up, and you can tell by the grip of her steering wheel, that she was upset. “go ahead and go, then.” </p><p>“no hug? no goodbye?” eddie asked. he furrowed his eyebrows, and his eyes sort of squinted. this was new, he didn’t know what to do with that. </p><p>“i don’t think you deserve it to be quite honest, edward.” she replied. </p><p>ouch.</p><p>eddie just nodded, quickly getting out of the car. “okay.” he whispered to himself. he got his belongings out of the car, and was going to wave goodbye, until the car drove off. not even a warning.</p><p>he and his mom weren’t toxic. he just needed a breathe from her sometimes, that’s all.</p><p>*</p><p>he finally managed to put his clothes away, keeping an eye out for the door. his roommate had already unpacked from the looks of it, but he wasn’t sure exactly when. he laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. maybe this was a bad idea? maybe he should’ve stayed home with his mom, helped her with her needs. did he pack his meds? if he didn’t he’s going to have to go back and get them, make a possible phone call. his mom wouldn’t drive all the way back though, would she? he doesn’t want to face her again. maybe she could mail them to him. you can mail pills, right? what if she isn’t okay? what if she falls down the stairs, and nobody is there to help her get up? she rarely goes upstairs anyway, what is he talking about?</p><p>he heard the door shut from the living room, and heard keys jingling. he didn’t get keys, did he? wait, yes he did. he patted his pockets, they were right there. </p><p>he lived in a fairly wealthy dorm, and he was quite proud of it. he had paid his tuition and dorm room with his own saved up money, the money he’s been saving since he was 14.</p><p>perhaps his roommate has noticed that eddie was there, because he heard a knock on his bedroom door. “uh, anyone in there?”</p><p>eddie quickly whispered “shit.” and fell out of bed. yeah, the knock scared him. </p><p>eddie opened the door. he looked, supposedly at his roommate. his roommate had auburn hair, that would shine in the sun. it was dark enough to look like a brown in the darkness of the shadows. he was wearing a white long-sleeved, with black jeans. his jeans were cuffed at the end, the jeans meeting with boots. black, sort-of bulky, boots. in eddie’s opinion, the outfit was bland. his roommate made it look good, but if eddie were to wear it, he thinks he would throw up.</p><p>but, eddie doesn’t have much of a say in what’s stylish or not. considering, he wore polo shirts and khakis practically everyday from kindergarten to freshman year. it was mainly his mom’s doing, but he didn’t really mind.</p><p>once eddie started wearing actual clothing, he was more, well, noticeable. perhaps it was because of him finally hitting puberty, and his face filling out, or maybe it was because he didn’t feel trapped everyday by the clothes he wore. </p><p>the way the polo’s fabric rubbed against him the wrong way, causing him to itchy and hot. his khakis would always take away his body warmth when he put them on, causing him to feel cold.</p><p>maybe it was a sign. maybe it was his mom wanting eddie to know how she felt.</p><p>“hey. i’m bill, bill denbrough. i suppose you’re my roommate?”</p><p>eddie snapped out of his thoughts when bill began to speak, because woah, he did not expect him to sound like that.</p><p>it wasn’t that his voice was ugly, because it really wasn’t, but his voice just didn’t fit his appearance.</p><p>“uh, maybe. i guess. i hope i don’t have the wrong room, because i do have the keys.” eddie responded, forgetting to tell ‘bill’ what his name was. </p><p>bill smiled, with confusion buried underneath his smile, because this wasn’t what he had planned meeting his first roommate like.</p><p>“oh!” eddie exclaimed. “i’m eddie kaspbrak.” </p><p>“oh cool.” bill responded.</p><p>there was a little bit of silence, which eddie hated, so he talked again.</p><p>“so.. what’s up?”</p><p>uh, well that’s one way of talking to your roommate you met five minutes ago.</p><p>“um.. nothing, really?” it sounded more of question, but bill still had that stupid smile on his face. “i can tell your nervous. don’t worry, i’m not mean.” </p><p>eddie’s chest was unloaded, and it felt like his shoulders physically dropped. he figured bill wasn’t mean, but it was still a relief to know.</p><p>“okay.”</p><p>eddie didn’t know what else to say, so he just walked back to his bed. pulling out his phone.</p><p>3:43pm.</p><p>eddie debated on taking a nap, until bill spoke up again.</p><p>“um, well. i don’t really know what else to talk about.”</p><p>maybe speaking wasn’t required right now at all.</p><p>“we just met like, five minutes ago. i’d kind of suspect you not to know what to say.” eddie replied. he didn’t want to be rude to his roommate.</p><p>“true. well, i’m gonna go to mike’s.” bill says, as if eddie knows who ‘mike’ is.</p><p>“you don’t need to announce that, ya know?” eddie said with a small smile, feeling something great.</p><p>he felt like they could be friends. </p><p>“yeah, sorry, i’m just use to telling my parents that.” </p><p>eddie felt the urge to ask who mike was, but since they barely knew each other, he let it go.</p><p>“do you know any fast foods or anything around here?” eddie asked, because damn, he was kind of starving.</p><p>“actually, mike and i were going to go to the café down the street. you want to tag along?” bill replied.</p><p>eddie didn’t want to disturb bill and ‘mike’, but he also wanted to get to know bill. he also wanted to get to know ‘mike.’</p><p>“uh; sure. if that’s not a problem?” </p><p>“no yeah, it’s all cool. we can walk to mike’s dorm, then take off then?”</p><p>eddie agreed, and walked to the door. maybe he was going to have some real friends for once. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>they were in bill’s car, driving to the café. mike complained, because he knew they could’ve walked. </p><p>“mikey, it’s fine. we can walk another time.” bill said, with a small smile. “mkay.” mike replied, not buying into it. </p><p>“what? you don’t believe me?” bill asked, with humor in his voice. he sounded astounded, but eddie figured this happened often. “i don’t believe you! you said last time we could walk.” mike pouted. </p><p>he acted like a baby.</p><p>“well, this time we have another person with us.”</p><p>bill looked in the rear view mirror, with a small smile. </p><p>“i don’t think he would’ve mind.” mike said, crossing his arms. he sounded sassy, which was weird, because eddie didn’t take mike as the sassy kind.</p><p>then again, he took bill as a stylish guy. he figured he had to of had some good clothes.</p><p>but nope, they were mostly sweaters, tees, sweatpants, and jeans. </p><p>eddie wanted to speak up, but he decided against it. he continued to stare out the window.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>they were sitting in the café, with bill and mike on one side, and eddie on the other. they were in a booth.</p><p>eddie learned that mike and bill were in a relationship, and that they have been dating for seven months. quite the long time. eddie adored it, though, yet he wouldn’t admit that. </p><p>never.</p><p>“so, eddie, where’d your come from?” bill asked, stirring his tea. </p><p>eddie’s throat tightened, it suddenly felt hot. </p><p>he didn’t like talking about where he came from.</p><p>“well, um, i’m from soho. quite a busy town.” eddie responded, feeling his face burn. was it from embarrassment? perhaps.</p><p>mike took notice to this, so he changed the topic. “well i’m from new york city! it’s nice to meet someone out of the city for once.”</p><p>eddie agreed, his lungs unwrapping themselves from his ribs. his skin doesn’t always feel so lose. “what’re you guys studying for?”</p><p>bill’s head chirped up like a little bird, and said “mike and i like music quite a lot. we’re studying music.”</p><p>eddie smiled, and said “maybe you’d have to show me sometime.”</p><p>“what’re you studying for, ed?” </p><p>eddie jerked his head up, disgust filling his face. “do not.. call me that. i have a name for a reason.” </p><p>bill’s hands went up in defense. “my apologies. anyway, tell us.”</p><p>eddie rolled his eyes. “i’m studying for arts. drama, actually. i want to be an actor.” </p><p>“ooh, fancy!” bill cooed, and mike stared at him.</p><p>eddie mentally noted the way mike stared longingly at bill.</p><p>love.</p><p>isn’t it breathtaking?</p><p>maybe breathtaking when it feels like it’s being forced upon you.</p><p>bill’s and mike’s flowed so smoothly, though. the way their hands connected, like they were puzzle pieces. they completed each other. </p><p>eddie is new to this. he mentally noted again.</p><p>love isn’t forceful. it’s effortless.</p><p>“my friend, beverly, she likes acting. she’s always wanted to be an actress, but she stuck to clothes designing instead. she claims “it helps her express her art in a more wearable way.” which, is quite smart.” bill said, interrupting eddie’s thoughts once again.</p><p>eddie’s smile hasn’t left his face. he likes this. he could get use to this.</p><p>“oh!” bill exclaimed, before picking up his phone. “there’s a party tonight, in richie’s dorm. he wanted to know if you wanted to come?” </p><p>it was obvious he was talking to mike, but it felt nice hearing the words “do you want to come?”</p><p>“yeah, sure!”</p><p>“cool, cool. eddie?”</p><p>eddie looked up. “yes?”</p><p>“you’re allowed to come, too.”</p><p>eddie smiled at this. he wouldn’t mind going to a party. he needed to release his mind, anyway. he also could find more friends.</p><p>“oh. yeah, sure then. when is it?” </p><p>“it’s at 10 tonight, richie says.. bring your own clothes? what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” </p><p>“it means he auto-sent that to every contact, also meaning that if anyone wants to, you know, he’s down.” mike replied.</p><p>oh.</p><p>so who is richie?</p><p>“who’s richie?” eddie asked, curiously.</p><p>“oh! he’s a friend of mine, we’ve been friends since i can remember. don’t worry, he’s cool. just.. reckless? i suppose?” bill responded.</p><p>“okay.”</p><p>“so, are we all going to this party?”</p><p>“yeah.” eddie and mike said in unison, making eddie day “jinx.”</p><p>“well then, that settles it! let’s get this show on the road.” bill exclaims. he’s been doing a lot of that since they went to the café.</p><p>“but it’s only four?” mike said, confused.</p><p>“mike, you should know richie wants help setting up the decorations. we can drop eddie off at the dorm, and pick him up later.”</p><p>eddie agreed, not to keen on wanting to meet bill denbrough’s friends just yet.</p><p>“alright then, let’s get moving.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! i hope you enjoyed that chapter, it was sort of just an introduction. i know it’s short, but my fingers hurt and it’s late. make sure you stay hydrated. ily!! &lt;3</p><p>~ el</p></blockquote></div></div>
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